Looking Back

I awoke this morning and as usual got my coffee and turned on my computer to check e-mails, facebook, pinterest (all the things I'm addicted to)!  I decided to go back in my archives of my blog and look at this time last year.  Those of you who have read my blog for a while know what last year was like for my family and me.  We were dealing with a very sick mom.  One that ultimately passed away on January 7th.

Anyway, after reading my posts from last year it made me sad.  Sad that mom won't be here to spend Christmas with us.  Sad that she won't be here to see baby Cate be born in February. Sad that she won't be here to enjoy the HUGE pajama party that we are planning on Christmas Eve at sister's house with all of the family and Amy's family.  Sad that she didn't get to witness Amy and Greg's wedding.  And the list goes on and on.  It's funny how Christmas brings out such weird emotions in one's self.  One one hand you are so happy and it's such a happy time of year and on the other hand you are sad and missing the one's you love or have loved.

This year I didn't do any decorating!  I haven't been home long enough to do any and since we will be spending Christmas in Birmingham, I just didn't feel like coming home to take down a bunch of stuff.

Isn't that awful?  Well, some may think that's smart!

Let's get back to missing my mom.

Sister posted on facebook something about needing my mom's seven minute icing.  She couldn't find it in mom's old recipe box, and I couldn't remember how she made it. Darn, why didn't I pay more attention to little things like that?

That brought back a sadness in me that I haven't felt in a while.  I miss my mom.  It is such a horrible thing to lose a loved one and it has taken so long to get over it.  I have grieved until I can't grieve any more.  I have said stupid things and acted crazy at times.  I can only blame that on the grieving process.  It takes a while y'all for those of you who have or are going through it.   It's tough.

I am happy to say though that I have moved on and the grieving has gotten so much easier.  It's going to be a tough Christmas without her here.  The memories, however, of how sick she really was are so vivid in my mind that I am just so happy she went to be with our Heavenly Father.  I know she will be looking out for all of us and smiling down upon us at the fun we will have.  She will be the Angel at the top of the tree!

Have a wonderful day y'all and hug your loved ones and be sure to tell them (especially your parents) how much you love them.

I wish I had told my mom more.

kb