Saturday, May 24, 2014

One Thing I Didn't Think About.....

You know, when we all decided (my whole family and I made this decision) that I would come to Birmingham for my recovery, there was one thing I personally didn't think about.
First of all,
The reason we decided that I should recover in Birmingham was actually a pretty simple one.
I can't drive for 6 weeks, Sister's job is more flexible than "W"s, and I have tons of family and friends  (including our three kids) who live here who can help occupy my time.
I was kind of worried that I would get depressed staying couped up by myself for the first two weeks.

So, as well as I am doing, yesterday a flood of emotions came rushing back into my body.
I didn't cry or anything, it was just kind of a reality moment.

First, I have just pounded it into my oldest daughter's head that my three g-babies cannot under any circumstance get on my lap or get hyped up around me.
I usually go busting in the door going "Gigi's here!!!" "Gigi's here!"  And we immediately start doing crafts or something!!!

(just a funny pic)
So, yesterday when we got to J's house, they were wonderful.  They were a little stand offish which made me sooooo sad, but they did exactly what I hoped they would do.
  I know that this is SO temporary and in no time at all I'll be jumping and playing and spinning around and dancing with them again.  But, I'll be honest, and I guess it was weird my thought process, (it's probably the drugs) but I saw fear in their eyes.  Maybe like they thought what's happened to my Gigi, and is she going to be like this forever?  I'm sure that they were actually scared because they've never seen me like that.  I'm so thankful that this is a temporary thing.  I realize it could be much, much worse.
when I got to Sister's house, my niece Harper met me out at the car.
I looked at her and saw the same fear in her eyes that I saw in my grandchildren's.
Now.  Harper really took the brunt of mother's issues.  There were many days that she changed Depends, made her dinner, and helped lift her from a chair (she was 14).  It was really pretty tough on not just Harper but all of Sister's kids (mom lived with them for the 6 months before she died).
Anyway, I guess it was just such a shock to see me who has never in my life had any issues, barely able to get out of a car and wincing in pain walking with a walker.  I'm the crazy aunt who does crazy things.
oops.  that's my sister, Ally and Harperdoodlebug.

I got to Sister's after the 3 hour drive and went straight to bed.  Harper came and got in bed with me and we talked for a moment.  It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.  Sister came in the bedroom and said "what are y'all doing" and we both said "cuddling".  I love that kid so much.
Anyway, Sister and I were talking about this yesterday.  And she made the perfect point that when I got here, just looking at me brought back a flood of  horrible memories of what my mother went through just 3 years back.
But, thankfully, I have a hilarious sister to keep me in stitches.....
on another note....
I was getting coffee this morning and walking around the kitchen when I realized I was walking without the walker or cane....shuuuu don't tell "W".  It was a total accident that I cannot do again.

Have a wonderful day y'all!

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