Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Looking Back

I awoke this morning and as usual got my coffee and turned on my computer to check e-mails, facebook, pinterest (all the things I'm addicted to)!  I decided to go back in my archives of my blog and look at this time last year.  Those of you who have read my blog for a while know what last year was like for my family and me.  We were dealing with a very sick mom.  One that ultimately passed away on January 7th.
Anyway, after reading my posts from last year it made me sad.  Sad that mom won't be here to spend Christmas with us.  Sad that she won't be here to see baby Cate be born in February. Sad that she won't be here to enjoy the HUGE pajama party that we are planning on Christmas Eve at sister's house with all of the family and Amy's family.  Sad that she didn't get to witness Amy and Greg's wedding.  And the list goes on and on.  It's funny how Christmas brings out such weird emotions in one's self.  One one hand you are so happy and it's such a happy time of year and on the other hand you are sad and missing the one's you love or have loved.
This year I didn't do any decorating!  I haven't been home long enough to do any and since we will be spending Christmas in Birmingham, I just didn't feel like coming home to take down a bunch of stuff.
Isn't that awful?  Well, some may think that's smart!
Let's get back to missing my mom.
Sister posted on facebook something about needing my mom's seven minute icing.  She couldn't find it in mom's old recipe box, and I couldn't remember how she made it. Darn, why didn't I pay more attention to little things like that?
That brought back a sadness in me that I haven't felt in a while.  I miss my mom.  It is such a horrible thing to lose a loved one and it has taken so long to get over it.  I have grieved until I can't grieve any more.  I have said stupid things and acted crazy at times.  I can only blame that on the grieving process.  It takes a while y'all for those of you who have or are going through it.   It's tough.

I am happy to say though that I have moved on and the grieving has gotten so much easier.  It's going to be a tough Christmas without her here.  The memories, however, of how sick she really was are so vivid in my mind that I am just so happy she went to be with our Heavenly Father.  I know she will be looking out for all of us and smiling down upon us at the fun we will have.  She will be the Angel at the top of the tree!
Have a wonderful day y'all and hug your loved ones and be sure to tell them (especially your parents) how much you love them.
I wish I had told my mom more.


  1. Thanks Kendall for the reminder and will be thinking of you as you celebrate Christmas without your dear Mother. You will fortunately have lots of family around it sounds and new life happenings too so that will hopefully bring you peace and comfort! So thankful to have met you this year because I really enjoy your blog and your humor and insight on art and life!

  2. Isn't it wonderful to have happy memories help to sustain us during these times and I'm sure you have many.

  3. Kendall, my parents & your grandparents died in 85 & 89... I still miss them so much!!! They spent many Christmas with us!! So grieving is OK , cause I still do & will atways miss them!!! Love to all of you!!!

  4. As my father puts it, "the first holidays are the hardest because you are learning to celebrate without them." When I feel sad that my very special Papaw never got to meet my children I remember that he got to hold them in heaven before I even knew them. I truly believe it.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  5. Beautiful Kendall and I totally understand how you feel- as my Grandmother who was just like my Mother Just passed away November 12, 2011- I think about her everyday! And I miss her so much it hurts! She has always been a 5 minute trip or a phone call away- I spent time with her daily and was there when she took her last breath! I won't ever forget it! Christmas only hurts and makes me miss her even more. She was such a big part of mine and my childrens lives. Some days I feel so lost like I don't know how to function without her! Anyhow I'm very Sorry for the Loss of your Mom- And I do hope you have A wonderful Christmas!
    Sincerely, Tanya

  6. I was just thinking of you and your mom this week- those who have lost loved ones weigh heavy on my heart during the holidays- I always try to adopt a widow at Christmas and give her special gifts to remind her that she is loved beyond measures- I lift those who have lost loved ones up in prayer for special comfort and you were on my prayer list....will continue to pray. Remember. She lives and she is with you every step of the way- she hasnt missed any of it- she is looking down from above!!

  7. thank you all for your sweet comments. You guys sustain me!!! xo to all of you!