"Compassion"

You know you never know what life is going to bring you.

Well,,,,that's obvious.  But, how you deal with it is a different number all together.  I was telling a friend the other day when she said something about someone acting a certain way that she didn't particularly like her comment. You just never know what her life has been like or what that person is going through at that time.

Compassion.

Does going through tough times give us the right to act however we choose though?  I doubt it.  It does however require people to give you a break.

I'll use myself as an example.

  I've done and said some crazy things lately...is that okay? No it's not, but I believe that people have compassion and forgiveness in their heart. I like to think I'm one of those.  I don't hold grudges.  I really don't.  I learned that lesson from my mother.  I just move on down the road and forget.  I mean, what can you do to change bad behavior?  You can walk away from it if you'd like. You can be mean as heck and teach that person a lesson.  And maybe that's the answer? Yep teach that person a lesson.  Put em through Hell.  Or you can choose to forgive.  I love forgiveness,  just like my blog yesterday.  A healer.

People say "I'm sorry" all the time.   Ya know, it just runs outta their mouth.  I'll never forget someone I used to know would do bad things and just say "I'm sorry" and think it's okay.  I mean just say it, without really meaning it.  It's not okay,,,,you have to really be sorry for that act.  But how much can you say I'm sorry and really, really mean it without that person believing you?  I guess forever.

Forgiveness.....
Something warm and compassionate happened yesterday to Sister and me.  We went to White Flowers here in Birmingham to buy a gown for mother to be buried in.  Sister went straight to a gown that had printed on it a bed with 4 angels surrounding it.  We both sat there and sobbed.  It was perfect.  We went to purchase it with both of us sobbing.  I explained to the sweet owner what we were buying it for and why we were both so upset.  She gave us the gown as a gift.

Compassion.

We have had the most compassionate nurses I've ever been around in my life.  They have cried with me, they've held me, they've loved on me and on my family.  Not to mention the unbelievable love and attention they've given my mom through this journey.

She's still breathing.  We are still waiting for her to "pack up her luggage" and take the ride home as one wonderful nurse put it.

Thank you for reading guys,

and remember to have compassion for someone you love today.

xo

kb

"Forgiveness"

I was comforted by a 4 month old last night.

Forgiveness,,,,,I think it is one of the hardest, yet healing and most powerful things we can do in our life.

You know?  We ask God for forgiveness, and He with his mercy forgives......but do we forgive ourselves?

Usually not.  We hang on to that guilt forever.

I'm guilty of it.  Heck, I still feel guilty over being mean to a girl in high school.  I'm serious. 30 somethin years later.

A couple of weeks ago a friend ask me to blog about this subject.  Not that I'm some expert in forgiveness but I've had to do my share of forgiving.  And by the way, I have to hope that some of the people in my life have forgiven me! Not really sure why I'm blogging about this today but I think with death comes forgiveness.  You have to forgive yourself and not hang on to the guilt for things you may have done to that person.  We MUST forgive ourselves.  Even if others don't forgive us, we MUST forgive ourselves.  I truly believe it is one of the most healing things we can do for our soul.

We are all taking turns being with mom in this transition.  It's tough, I'm not gonna lie, but it's wonderful being there for one of the strongest, most wonderful people in my life.

She's a fighter and is still with us.

Much love to all of you.  I am so amazed at the amount of people reading and so thankful to each and every one of you.

Please post.  I really love hearing your comments!

and, whomever "Anonymous" is, thank you for your beautiful words....they are so helpful in my time of need.

Have a wonderful,,,,,wait, what day IS it anyway?

Thursday y'all

xo

kb

Today....

Well, Sister told me last night I shouldn't blog today. That I should take the day off.   But, I just couldn't  not write in my website journal.  For all to read...including myself and my family.

A real touching moment last night.

You know, I think we all go through times of extreme love as well as irritation at our siblings.  At least my family has I'll admit.  I know they've been irritated at me many times. It happens in every family, I'm sure of it.  Not really sure why I'm saying that, it just popped into this sponge of a 5:30 a.m. brain that I'm sportin.

Last night was a wonderful hour of peace between four siblings who dearly love each other, and our mother.

Clay arrived last night.  I feel so sorry for him because on top of a pretty severe case of the flu he developed Bells Palsy.  It will go away (and Kim and I thought he looked pretty distinguished with it!) haha!

Anyway, what a bonding hour we all had.  Just the four of us and mom.  Making a tough decision to remove the tubes.  Mom would have wanted this.  She NEVER complained.  She NEVER wanted us to worry about her.  I hear people complain about their moms over and over.  You know just about neediness and stuff and I just have never been able to enter in to that conversation because mine never complained about anything.  Another blessing God has bestowed on me. A lesson that I hope I will carry throughout my life.  I want to follow in my mother's footsteps.  

So, as I'm writing right now, I want to tell you the advice from the doctors, nurses and hospice, we made the really difficult but compassionate decision to remove all tubes from mom and just continue pain management.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your continued prayers for myself, my family and especially my mom.

Please continue to pray for peace and relief from pain as my mom makes this transition to be with our Heavenly Father.

May God bless you today and every day.

Have a wonderful Wednesday y'all.

xo

kb

What to Say?

Ya know.  It's 4 a.m.  I actually slept like a baby after a really, really exhausting day yesterday.  We have chosen to call in Hospice care for Mom.

Our hopes are that they can get pain management under control and provide her with more comfort.

This has been brutal.

For her, for my siblings, our children, and for the nursing staff.

I honestly have never in my life seen a fighter like her.  We are still praying for a miracle but I have always said "if God saves everyone that we pray for, no one would ever die".  It's not that I don't believe in God's healing hands and miracles because trust me, I do.  I just believe that statement to be true.

He has a plan for my mom.  No one can understand death. We can only accept it. We are at the point where we want her to just be out of the apparent misery that she is in.  It's awful folks.  I just can't explain that clearly enough.

Many of you have been in this situation.  And you know, I think that it brings out a more compassionate person in all of us.  You can comfort more who are in this position when you've been there.  Maybe that's God's lesson in all of this.

I had to take a break yesterday and went for a walk.  When I arrived back I found my grown son sitting in the chair next to mom stroking her and telling her it's okay.  Tears of joy that I have raised a compassionate  son, tears of sadness to see him and my other children so, so desperately upset. Callen and Andy came and stroked her arm and Callen told her that she loved her.  Mom actually woke up for a second and said Callen and Andy's name!  A glimmer of hope.  Jordan came and my poor sweet oldest just fell apart. Oh the heartbreak.  The memories of someone who is so dear to us.  Who took care of me and helped me with my children when I needed her most.  She has always been there for us through thick and thin.  She is the perfect mom.  It's just not fair.  But, the outcome is obvious.

Jack, Mary and Sally were there to comfort her as well.  Tears again.  Seeing my stoic brother stroke my mom's head and tell her it's okay.  Just simply memories of a wonderful mom.

It is killing my younger brother not being here.  He has a horrific case of the flu and is truly too sick to be here.  And doesn't need to be by the way.

I came back to Sister's house and witnessed her youngest son hold her like I've never seen a young man hold his mother.  Tears again.  Kim cried like a baby, and her 16 yr. old was there to comfort her.

Family.

I want to show you a little photo album.

and my beautiful father, whom I love dearly and is struggling with this terribly.

Please keep him especially in your prayers.

May God give you the strength to handle difficult situations that may come your way today and every day.

Have a wonderful Tuesday y'all

xo

kb

Angels

Do you believe in them?

I DO.....in a big way....that's why I paint them.

One earth Angel came to me in a big way yesterday.

In the form of a nurse.

Her name is Marie.

Basically I was at the point of there being no hope left for mom.  We are really down to it being in God's hands.  And you know, we as a family are all okay with that.  We are at the point of just not wanting her to be in so much agony and pain and suffering.  We are prepared.  The doctors have done everything humanly possible there is to do for her.  Now, as I am told, like I said, "it's in God's hands".  Well, for some reason "Marie" has given me a glimmer of hope.  What a wonderful nurse she was to mom yesterday.  I just want to publicly yell it to the world wide web.  If you go to Brookwood Hospital just pray that you get nurse Marie.  Caring, loving, attentive....I could go on and on.  She helped get mom's vital signs to where they need to be, she adjusted her pain meds where they needed to be so that the screaming would discontinue and her pain would decrease, and she adjusted her so that she would be more comfortable.  She stroked her and comforted her when we weren't there.  She comforted me as well when I needed comforting. She for some reason gave me a glimmer of hope that we might fight this thing.  I had truly given up.  Now, I'm ready for whatever God has in store for me when I get up there in a bit.  I'm still prepared if he chooses to take her.   

In the meantime "thank you Marie".

Panic Mode

Sorry, didn't mean to scare you....but,,,,I can't find my glasses.....to blog....so as we speak right now I am in panic mode.  Do any of you do that???? I mean I must have 50 paris of glasses lying around my house, but I'm at Jordan's and I can't find one pair.  It just puts me in a panic!  So, if this is garbildegoo just know, I don't mean to be illiterate here.....I just can't see! period!. I just want to show you our wonderful little Christmas....fulll  of love.
First up:
Does this house look familiar?????
We do a "White Elephant" gift exchange....this was mine!  (I was SO excited!)

 Jack was here with Santa

 All Evey wanted was "pretty flowers"

 but G-Man had to get her the biggest stocking he could find!

Lil B had a blast!

 Christmas picture "Take 1"

 Take 2

 Take 3

 Take 4

 Take 5

 Take 6

 Take 7

 Then we all left and Lynn and Eric realized they were stuck together.  heehee!

 Evers got her American Girl and promptly named her "Sally"

 and J got her "Hunter" Boots

 G-Man surprised Evey with some white donuts (probably her favorite gift!)

 white kisses

 Does anyone really read my blog?????

 J sent a little hint to Eric

 this was for Bennett because he always wants to hold someone's hand!

 my pics are now going to improve (hopefully!)

 First white Christmas we've ever seen!

 Amy got some Lil B time

 Andy loved his camo belt

 Ames and Gregory

 Callen texting.....surprise!!! (with her favorite animal in her lap!)

 and finally J and E

The love
Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!
Mom's about the same.
Please keep praying for her.
Have a wonderful Sunday y'all!
kb

What Can I Say?

Right now I'm lying in a Hospital bed and it's Christmas morning.  Mom has been in and out of lucidity all night.  She is on Morphine, Dolatin (or whatever the heck that is) and Adaville (again, not a doctor) but I think it's an anxiety drug.  None of those will knock her out.  Can you believe that?  What a fighter.  We will get her calmed down and then 5 minutes later....wham....a screeching, screaming soul comes out for all of the hall to hear. As I feel so sorry for my mother,  I also feel very sorry for the rest of the folks on the floor because there is no way they got any sleep either.  She is starting to say some audible words which is an improvement from the constant muttering we had ALL day yesterday.  So, where do we go from here?  Sister, Brothers, and I are just simply at a loss.  We aren't sure if this is from severe pain, or fear, or why she is doing this.  All I know is she hasn't slept in about 2 days.  I believe she is scared to death.....or for death. I want you all to know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the e-mails, FB messages, cards and thoughts and prayers you have sent our way.

We are truly blessed with the angels that surround us.

My wish for you is that you have the Merriest Christmas EVER!!!

Please hug your family and tell them how much you love them on Jesus' special birthday.

I would love it if you could post any specific prayers for me. It would mean the world to me and help comfort me in this really difficult time.

xo

kb

Full Circle

Well, that's what I've come.

I'm sitting here in my mother's hospital room, watching her sleep like a baby.  A week, pathetic looking, yet beautiful woman.  I've been here all night with her.
I guess when I say "I've come full circle" I mean that well, Mom took care of me, and now I get to take care of her....and then the circle goes on and on and on.  I can only hope that my kids will be there for me when I need them like mom needs us. (and by the way, I have no doubt they will)
What happened yesterday?
Well, every time I spoke with Sister yesterday morning Mom was just so upset.  It was horrible.  I was on my way to Birmingham and talking with Sister at the same time and I could just hear mother yelling in pain.  Heartbreaking.
Anyway, when I got here, all I could think about is how I couldn't leave to go back home for Christmas. There was just no way. So, W and I questioned the kids and we all agreed to just do Christmas here.
What happened????
Well we were faced with three scenarios from which we could choose.
None of them great by the way.
We chose to put in a temporary hip that has a metal ball and the cement used has an antibiotic.  The only problem?  We still have MRSA and a secondary infection...and this just adds one more entity to the mix.
(if any of you are doctors out there, forgive me if I have gotten this totally wrong).....(it's 4:45 a.m.)
She got through the surgery fine and is now in the Progressive Care Unit.  She is being tended to like crazy.  Awesome unit with amazing nurses!
What is really sweet?  Rubbing her head when she is agitated and saying shuuuuu like I did my babies.  It amazingly calms her down.   I guess I really have come full circle.
Let me leave you with this.
"Lord Jesus Christ, You chose to share our human nature, to redeem all people, and to heal the sick.  I beg You to look with compassion on Your humble servant, support her with Your power, comfort her with Your protection, and give her the strength needed to fight this infection.  Since You have given, a share in Your own passion, help her us to find hope in her suffering for you, Jesus."

You guys have a wonderful day y'all! OH, it's Christmas Eve!!! (I forgot!)
kb

20% off! Be sure to check it out!!!

Well, since I posted yesterday that I was offering 20% off on my paintings until January 1st I've had a tremendous response!  Thank you!!!   The problem is that...as a surprise to me for my Christmas present, my son is changing my website around a bit.  (it's obviously not a surprise any more!!!) So, if any of you have gone to the website to purchase a painting, don't!  It won't let you!  You can however, e-mail me and I will work it out that way.  And, I DO take Paypal! (which means you can charge it to your husband:) (okay guys, don't get mad at me)

I am heading through Atlanta today and then on to Birmingham (more about that in a minute) but can deliver any paintings.  But,,,,,I need to know ASAP,,,,as in before 9:00.  I CAN have paintings sent overnight.  The shipping will be outrageous, but hey, if you're like me and you've waited til the last minute, you gotta do whatcha gotta do!

Okay, so here is what I have....
I am continuing the sale until Jan.1! (then the prices will go back to normal)

"Fall II"

30 x 40 Mixed Media on canvas framed

1,100.00

 "Horizon III"

Mixed Media on canvas - framed

30 x 40

1,100.00

 "Horizon IV"

Mixed media on canvas - framed

30 x 40

1,100.00

 "Trees in a Row"

30 x 40

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

975.00 SOLD

Dripping Trees

20 x 24

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

550.00

 "Waterfall"

30 x 40

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

975.00

 "Angels"

A triptych on gallery wrapped canvas

600.00

 "Lake Trees"

40 x 40 

Mixed media on canvas - framed

1,200.00 (on hold until Dec. 28)

 "Fall Rain"

28 x 32

Mixed media on canvas - framed

750.00

"Osprey in Flight"
36 x 36 Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas
950.00 (on hold until Dec. 28)
(this is actually one of my favorites!!!)


"Field of Gold"

22 x 28

Mixed media on canvas - framed

425.00

 "Red Boat on the Lake"

Mixed media on canvas - framed

30 x 40

950.00

 "The Cello"

36 x 26

Mixed media on canvas - framed

1,100.00

 "Baby Love"

12 x 18

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

125.00 - SOLD

 Blue Waters I

20 x 24

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

650.00

 Blue Waters II

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

20 x 24

650.00

 "Dreaming of Wyoming II"

24 x 24

Mixed media on 3" gallery wrapped canvas

650.00

 Dreaming of Wyoming III

24 x 24

Mixed media on 3" gallery wrapped canvas

 "You Had me at Woof"

24 x 30

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

500.00

"Atlanta, Atlanta"

Mixed media on canvas - framed

24 x 30

750.00

"Lake Birds"

40 x 30

Mixed media on canvas-framed

950.00

and finally....

Dripping Trees I

24 x 24

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

550.00

Dripping Trees II

24 x 24

Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas

550.00

Poppies I
15 x 30 Mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas
350.00

 The Red Barn
15 x 30 mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas
350.00

Flowers
21 x 36
Mixed media  - framed
450.00

Please, please e-mail me asap if any of you are interested
kbdr@aol.com

Now, why am I going to B'ham ..... for the day? 2 days before Christmas????
I just have to, I can't stand not being there for my mom.
Yesterday was a horrific day.  You know she has this wound vac in her hip.  What that is is a packing about the size of a child's hand of black foam with a contraption that sucks out all kinds of stuff. (really too gross to explain)  The objective is to let the wound heal from the inside out. Well, the wound care nurse came in yesterday to change the packing and realized that the bone is exposed.  This is not good at all folks.  They had to remove the packing and now she is lying there with an exposed bone on her hip. In excruciating pain.   Oh my goodness,  we take one step forward and two steps back.  I just can't let today go by without going over there and checking on her.
Blessings to all of you who have prayed over her and have thought about my mom.
I personally am so grateful.
Peace for this day for you and your loved ones!
kb