Tuesday, December 28, 2010

What to Say?

Ya know.  It's 4 a.m.  I actually slept like a baby after a really, really exhausting day yesterday.  We have chosen to call in Hospice care for Mom.
Our hopes are that they can get pain management under control and provide her with more comfort.
This has been brutal.
For her, for my siblings, our children, and for the nursing staff.
I honestly have never in my life seen a fighter like her.  We are still praying for a miracle but I have always said "if God saves everyone that we pray for, no one would ever die".  It's not that I don't believe in God's healing hands and miracles because trust me, I do.  I just believe that statement to be true.
He has a plan for my mom.  No one can understand death. We can only accept it. We are at the point where we want her to just be out of the apparent misery that she is in.  It's awful folks.  I just can't explain that clearly enough.
Many of you have been in this situation.  And you know, I think that it brings out a more compassionate person in all of us.  You can comfort more who are in this position when you've been there.  Maybe that's God's lesson in all of this.
I had to take a break yesterday and went for a walk.  When I arrived back I found my grown son sitting in the chair next to mom stroking her and telling her it's okay.  Tears of joy that I have raised a compassionate  son, tears of sadness to see him and my other children so, so desperately upset. Callen and Andy came and stroked her arm and Callen told her that she loved her.  Mom actually woke up for a second and said Callen and Andy's name!  A glimmer of hope.  Jordan came and my poor sweet oldest just fell apart. Oh the heartbreak.  The memories of someone who is so dear to us.  Who took care of me and helped me with my children when I needed her most.  She has always been there for us through thick and thin.  She is the perfect mom.  It's just not fair.  But, the outcome is obvious.
Jack, Mary and Sally were there to comfort her as well.  Tears again.  Seeing my stoic brother stroke my mom's head and tell her it's okay.  Just simply memories of a wonderful mom.
It is killing my younger brother not being here.  He has a horrific case of the flu and is truly too sick to be here.  And doesn't need to be by the way.
I came back to Sister's house and witnessed her youngest son hold her like I've never seen a young man hold his mother.  Tears again.  Kim cried like a baby, and her 16 yr. old was there to comfort her.
I want to show you a little photo album.

and my beautiful father, whom I love dearly and is struggling with this terribly.
Please keep him especially in your prayers.
May God give you the strength to handle difficult situations that may come your way today and every day.
Have a wonderful Tuesday y'all


  1. Kendall ~ your posts are so heartfelt. We feel your agony and ask that the Holy Spirit and Comfortor be with you at this most difficult time. It does serve as a reminder to those of us that are fortunate to have their parents still in good health to take the time to count and blessings and spend quality time with them as much as possible.
    Sweet Peace, my friend.
    Courtney Hanahan

  2. What a beautiful tribute to an amazing Mom!!! My heart felt love to you and family!!!

    Aunt Ellen

  3. Kendall,
    At this time in all your lives - you and your family and your mother will seek comfort in the fact that you are all caring so well and so deeply for her. Sadly, it is too often not the case. She is a beautiful, obviously strong and fortunate woman, whose tribute to you and her legacy to the world - are you all. Be at peace with this part of her journey and continue to care and be there, that is possibly one of the dearest and most compassionate acts you could ever bestow on her, and she does knows it. Read her happy stories, sing her loving songs, it will transcend and she will be at peace and so will you. My thoughts and support are with you all.
    Martha Henson


  5. Your family is so beautiful. Your mom has so many wonderful, loving family members by her side. I'm praying for you and your family!

  6. Tim and I are praying for your sweet mom and you all too. Romans 15:13 is my favorite. "May the God of Hope give you Joy and Peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" My mom's favorite. Love and miss you,

  7. Isaiah 40:31: But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

    What a wonderful family you have. What a blessing to your mother and each other!

    I have happened upon your blog and had to make a comment. I was with my father as he died. It was a religious experience. We had come full circle. I helped to give him back to God as he received me in the beginning. God be with you all in whatever is coming your way. I will be praying that what is best for her will be given.