What to Say?

Ya know.  It's 4 a.m.  I actually slept like a baby after a really, really exhausting day yesterday.  We have chosen to call in Hospice care for Mom.

Our hopes are that they can get pain management under control and provide her with more comfort.

This has been brutal.

For her, for my siblings, our children, and for the nursing staff.

I honestly have never in my life seen a fighter like her.  We are still praying for a miracle but I have always said "if God saves everyone that we pray for, no one would ever die".  It's not that I don't believe in God's healing hands and miracles because trust me, I do.  I just believe that statement to be true.

He has a plan for my mom.  No one can understand death. We can only accept it. We are at the point where we want her to just be out of the apparent misery that she is in.  It's awful folks.  I just can't explain that clearly enough.

Many of you have been in this situation.  And you know, I think that it brings out a more compassionate person in all of us.  You can comfort more who are in this position when you've been there.  Maybe that's God's lesson in all of this.

I had to take a break yesterday and went for a walk.  When I arrived back I found my grown son sitting in the chair next to mom stroking her and telling her it's okay.  Tears of joy that I have raised a compassionate  son, tears of sadness to see him and my other children so, so desperately upset. Callen and Andy came and stroked her arm and Callen told her that she loved her.  Mom actually woke up for a second and said Callen and Andy's name!  A glimmer of hope.  Jordan came and my poor sweet oldest just fell apart. Oh the heartbreak.  The memories of someone who is so dear to us.  Who took care of me and helped me with my children when I needed her most.  She has always been there for us through thick and thin.  She is the perfect mom.  It's just not fair.  But, the outcome is obvious.

Jack, Mary and Sally were there to comfort her as well.  Tears again.  Seeing my stoic brother stroke my mom's head and tell her it's okay.  Just simply memories of a wonderful mom.

It is killing my younger brother not being here.  He has a horrific case of the flu and is truly too sick to be here.  And doesn't need to be by the way.

I came back to Sister's house and witnessed her youngest son hold her like I've never seen a young man hold his mother.  Tears again.  Kim cried like a baby, and her 16 yr. old was there to comfort her.

Family.

I want to show you a little photo album.

and my beautiful father, whom I love dearly and is struggling with this terribly.

Please keep him especially in your prayers.

May God give you the strength to handle difficult situations that may come your way today and every day.

Have a wonderful Tuesday y'all

xo

kb