One Year Ago Today

I walked into sister's house to get ready to go to the hospital to stay with mom and I got that look that everyone in the world dreads to get.  She was gone.

Yep, it's been a year ago today that I lost my mom.

And......

ya know what? I'm not grieving!

I'm sad, mind you.  And I wanted to wake up and write about her.  But I'm not sad.  I know with the struggles that she went through she is in a better place.

Ya know?  she was only 74 yrs. old.  That's 23 yrs. older than me.  That's really a short time,  Almost a blink of an eye.

Mom didn't really take very good care of herself I will tell you.  She did however have rhematoid arthritis which is why I gave her a hall pass on the taking care of herself thing.  That is a horrible disease, or it was when she got it.  Sister and I worry everyday that that gene will be passed down to us.  When she got it 20 something years ago, the medicines where so strong that they made her loose a lot of hair and loose her teeth. She also gained a ton of weight.  I felt so sorry for her, but to be quite honest I was mad at her for not taking better care of herself and just telling that disease to go to Hell.  She really didn't care what she looked like.  That made me mad.  She was this beautiful woman that let this disease totally take away every outside beauty she possessed.

I realize how that must sound to you.  But in my family, taking care of yourself is really, really important.  Hey, you only have one life huh?

Saying that, my brother who takes incredible care of himself just had a massive heart attack.  We almost went out of 2011 with a bang!  WOW.

He is doing amazing now though and got through it with flying colors. (they even had to use the paddles on him!)

Mom also smoked.  Even being a lifetime smoker didn't kill her though.  She actually had 98% lung capacity when she died.  It amazed her doctors. 

What killed her was the dreaded MRSA.  I would really think twice about having surgery done in this day and time as MRSA is rampant in hospitals.  And very contagious.  I'm sure sister and I have it in our bloodstream and don't know it after taking care of mom.

now,,,,about my mom.

She was the most giving person I knew.  She gave like non other. She never gave herself credit for the amazing talents that she possessed.  She never felt worthy, which always amazed me.

Talented beyond words.

She was so patient. I used to sit by the sewing machine when I was about 8 watching her until she had to chew me off her arm.  Then she taught me to sew.  Then she taught me to cook.  She always embraced my creativity instead of trying to alter it like some would do in that day and time.

I could care less about school.  All I wanted to do was sew, paint, create, and play tennis.

I barely squeaked by in school!

Well, that irritated her, but I think she knew what my career path would be.  Interior design.

She ended up being so proud of me and would just shake her head when I would come up with a new project.

I miss my mom.

She was wonderful in every way.  I miss her terribly and wish I could just pick up the phone and call her to tell her how much I miss her.  I didn't let her know that enough and I regret that.  

We had wonderful days together before we lost her though.  The 6 months or so that she stayed at sister's house were filled with fun and laughter.  I enjoyed her like I hadn't since I was a child.  But it was the other way around.  WE were taking care of her.  And the circle of life continues.

I love you mom, and I miss you.

kendall